you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
