you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
