Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
