i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
