Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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