you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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