i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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