Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
