i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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