I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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