I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
