I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
