Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
