OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
