please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
