My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
