I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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