i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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