I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
time to smoke my breakfast
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
