The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Come see our sink grown plant.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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