there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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