was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
