Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
