i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
