I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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