i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
