If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
