Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
