Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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