You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
me + whiskey = a bad person
So vagazzling was a success
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize