How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
