I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
