I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
