just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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