i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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