I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
