No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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