The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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