So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
