dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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