I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
