any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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