I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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