i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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