Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
