i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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