I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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