drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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