hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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