if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
