It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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