can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
