I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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