My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.