Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit