I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We have started to decorate penises.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.