Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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(608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure

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(506): drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure http://tfl.nu/j4nn

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(865): View more from Tennessee

he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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(865): he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers. http://tfl.nu/fhwb

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.

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(250): Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/w09f

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(304): View more from West Virginia

What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.

(1-304): View more from West Virginia

That wasn't intended for you, my bad.

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(304): What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me. (1-304): That wasn't intended for you, my bad. http://tfl.nu/hfz2

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(970): View more from Colorado

Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

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(970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi

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(802): View more from Vermont

hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

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(802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo

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(208): View more from Idaho

Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.

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(208): Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/191q

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(315): View more from New York

Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

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(315): Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife. http://tfl.nu/jnj1

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(941): View more from Florida

It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

(1-941): View more from Florida

Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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(941): It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere. (1-941): Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4qq

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(979): View more from Texas

He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic

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(979): He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic http://tfl.nu/8ocy

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(719): View more from Colorado

That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case

(573): View more from Missouri

WTF.

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(719): That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case (573): WTF. http://tfl.nu/t6hg

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(808): View more from Hawaii

At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.

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(808): At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life. http://tfl.nu/lsk4

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(716): View more from New York

Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?

(585): View more from New York

Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.

(716): View more from New York

.......

(585): View more from New York

I'm just looking out for you.

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(716): Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday? (585): Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change. (716): ....... (585): I'm just looking out for you. http://tfl.nu/cj8v

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(760): View more from California

She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder

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(760): She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder http://tfl.nu/mb3b

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