So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
