I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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