a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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