It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
