you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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